Having a newborn brings in waves of so many emotions. I know for me I have felt intense joy, and then in the next breath a moment of anxiety as I play out the next 6 months in my head and wonder if I’ll sleep more than 2 consecutive hours and ever be able to clean my bathroom again. It can be even more complex when it’s a second, third, fourth baby and you are balancing the adjustment your other kids go through too! After having my third newborn I have come to realize that often times weeks 3-5 can actually be harder than the first 2. I think it’s because you no longer have a brand-spanking-new newborn who sleeps all day, who falls and stays asleep fairly easily; You don’t have as much company or “help”, which can be a positive and a negative; AND your hormones have leveled out so you’re not really riding that newborn high anymore. That being said: I AM OK. I have an amazing group of friends and family around me, and don’t shy away from speaking to a therapist when I need to. If you find yourself in need of some sanity savers, here is what has helped me the most:
• REMOVE UNNECESSARY STRESS. I had to leave some mom groups that were actually great, but hearing other moms talk about certain schedules their babies were on, or struggles at xyz month was really starting to stress me out and make me overthink! I told myself I was going to take my cues from Theo and learn what was best for us, and it’s not time to be stressing about a schedule or what is going to happen at 4 months.
• SHOWER AT NIGHT before the baby is down for the night. I asked Joe if I could start showering after dinner. That immediately alleviated me trying to navigate how I was going to be human in the morning and fit it in during Theo’s inconsistent naps at this age. Also, by not waiting until he is sleeping for the night, I am able to sleep when he sleeps when it’s needed.
• ASK YOUR SPOUSE for what you need. If you need to take a nap, if you need help with the dishes, if you need to run and grab a coffee for 30 min or alone time DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK. If I can’t change one more diaper in the middle of the night I wake Joe up and ask him to help me. He is very supportive and he flat out said, “If you don’t wake me up I will sleep. If you wake me up I’ll do whatever you ask me to do!”
•WEAR THAT BABY. I think sometimes we want to do things “by the book”, or we’re afraid that our baby will never learn to sleep on their own if we wear them too much. Not the case! Hands free means playing with your other kids, eating!!!, getting some makeup on, going for a walk, etc. all while your babe is snuggled close and getting a great nap. It’s ok to do what you need to do to be a human. My favorite way to wear my babies has been in the Solly Baby Wrap!
•TALK TO SOMEONE. When you aren’t feeling yourself, when you need to cry, when you need advice, reach out to a trusted friend or two or three. Even if you don’t think you need a therapist make an appointment and go anyway. Sometimes its just what you need to vent, be listened to and validated by someone outside your normal circle. If you don’t have a lot of momma friends maybe a therapist can point you in the right direction as far as activities, classes or organizations where you can find your tribe! You WILL find your tribe!!!
•GET FRESH AIR. On days where I’ve been super exhausted or feel mom guilt or felt stir crazy just walking around the block was so refreshing and life giving.
•BE OK WITH MESSY. It’s ok that your house is extra messy right now. The dishes may pile up. The bathroom sink may have more toothpaste and hair on it than normal, the laundry may sit unfolded for a few extra days. Please know that this is very normal and it won’t be this way forever. You and your baby, and your family come first. If you have 5 minutes and it will make you feel better to load the dishwasher then do it! Do what you can when you can, but this is a season and a short one!
These are some things that worked for me, and I know everyone is different. Ultimately I hope you’re encouraged to remember that you’re not alone! There are so many mommas out there who are in the thick of it, and there are people around you that love you and would do anything to support you!
One Comment
Elaine Ianniello
Awesome blog!! Do you! ♥️