Last week we shared our dating story, and promised a follow up to answer any questions you had for us! It was fun to see what you guys wanted to know and share our responses. A surprising number of you were curious about baby number 3!!! So, let’s get to it…but first just imagine that you’re sitting at our kitchen table, we’re sipping our fresh brewed coffee, and we’re sharing our hearts! ☕️ Ok, here are the questions and responses:
Why did joe wait to say I love you til you were engaged?
J: I waited to say “I love you” because I wanted the person I married to be the last person I said that to. And those are such deep meaningful words when it comes to marriage, for me, I could not say them until I knew I could commit to a person in that way. When I proposed to Melissa and said I love you first time, it was a moment that I don’t think I’ll ever forget and I have no regret waiting to tell her that until that moment.
M: I remember we used to say “I like you a lot”, and I would think why can’t we just say it?! But, I also will never forget how it felt when Joe said “I love you” for the first time because I knew he was about to propose.
What would you say to someone “waiting” to find their someone?
J: Live your life! Try not to be so consumed with waiting for someone that you’re waiting in every other area in life. Don’t lose the rest of your life looking for a love life.
M: To take it to a spiritual level, God knows your heart and your desires, so keep trusting Him and that He truly is writing a good story for your life. Also, don’t be afraid to go on a date, but also do not settle. Do not lower your standards. Surround yourself with good friends, and get connected in your church community because you will surround yourself with other people with the same values as you.
How do you know what boundaries to set?
J: I think if you pray about it, ask God to show you what boundaries will be most beneficial to your relationship, He will answer. You have to be honest with yourself and be willing to sacrifice some conveniences, but those decisions on the front will reap dividends on the back end.
M: On a practical note about boundaries, the fact is that emotions and hormones are real. So boundaries are a great tool to keep you from crossing a line that you physically and emotionally aren’t ready to cross. Joe and I set more rigid boundaries in the beginning of our relationship, but evaluated them every 2-3 months to see if it was working for us. An example of a boundary was that we couldn’t hang out in his room alone. It was an ongoing thing that changed as our relationship grew.
What is your best marriage advice?
J: Assume the best of your spouse, not the worst. Assume that the idiotic thing they did to you last week was not malicious, but an oversight or moment for growth. I like to think that Melissa is not out to get me when she does something I don’t like.
M: It isn’t your spouse’s job to complete you or be the key to your daily happiness. Most of the time that just leads to disappointment. It is important to find individual joy, but above all let your true joy, happiness and fulfillment be found in Jesus. You can then offer your full self to your spouse, you can walk in grace, you wont constantly put unrealistic expectations on him/her. And always be a team.
Was it weird that your (Melissa’s) sister had a crush on joe?
J: Well at that point she had realized how lame I was and moved on to better things. Joking! I dunno, it didn’t bother me! Yea their twins, but still very different people.
M: Yea that shipped sailed and by the time Joe and I started dating my sister was married and had her first child!
What is something that is challenging in your relationship and how do you overcome it?
J: I think something that can be challenging is our different personalities. I am very logical and slow to move. Melissa is more passionate and quick to make a decision. Both are strengths and weaknesses individually but together can pose challenges. Thankfully they have caused us both to grow in the weaker area. Melissa pushes me to make decisions and not get stuck in my own head.
M: I would agree with Joe. And I would add that although we share many similar interests, our choices are usually opposite! I have learned a couple of things: 1: GRACE. I am growing in having grace towards Joe in the areas we are different, because we ALL need grace. 2. I have learned as a wife that even if Joe approaches things different than me, at the end of the day I support him, EVEN if he makes a decision I think is wrong. And 3. Jesus is big enough to take care of it all when we both fall short.
What are some good date ideas?
J: Not my strength! Lol. We will play cards or board games. Dinner and a walk around downtown is our go to. A beach or hiking trip depending on the season is always fun . Sometimes we like to play bartender and make different drinks and watch a movie.
M: If you are dating get together with married couples or other couples who are dating who you look up to. If you’re just starting out as a couple group dates with friends are great because it takes pressure off, and also I think it’s great to get feedback from friends! But that is just me!
How do you find joy in dating when you want more. (Marriage, sharing more of your lives together)?
J: See below – she’s much smarter than me 😉
M: I have two thoughts for this one: 1. There came a point when I realized dating is truly a preparation for marriage. So, when I was feeling restless with where we were at it was an opportunity for me to dig deep beyond what *I* wanted, and sought how I could honor and serve Joe where we were at. And I wish I had gotten to that place earlier. 2. As much as we want marriage and a family and all the good stuff that comes with it, at the end of the day it isn’t going to make us happy all the time. So take those feelings of wanting more and filter them through the presence of Jesus. Sit with Him and let him remind you of His closeness, faithfulness, goodness and perfect timing. I know it isn’t easy or what you want to hear, but if I could go back, that is the number one thing I would do better.
Baby No. 3?!?!?
J: *blank stares*
M: Joe has no words, haha. I have plenty. That has been a topic of debate around here. I really couldn’t even wrap my mind around it until Quinn was potty trained this spring. I did not feel ready for another baby stage, but at the same time, in my heart I have really always wanted 3 kids. Joe was a hard no for a LONG TIME, so I knew I didn’t want to push the topic with him. There may have been a point last year when we prayed about it, but I clearly heard the Lord say, “WAIT,” like when you hit a button at a crosswalk…”WAIT.” We are finally at a point where we are teetering over to the side of saying yes to another baby, but balancing the practicality of potentially moving so we have another bedroom, and also discerning when and if the Lord gives us the green light. Sooooo…we will keep you posted. It is not out of the question. This is a hard decision…pray for us!
I have to laugh because some of these responses are so typical of the two of us…and you may see where Joe starts to get tapped out. He only has so many words, folks! But I hope this was helpful and gave you some insight into our relationship, and your own! Never hesitate to reach out and share if something in particular encouraged you, or if you have any more questions for us!
