Our Dating Story

Joe and I have always been passionate about having a healthy marriage and relationship. The funny thing is that our dating story is kind of complicated, long sorted tale! Wayyyyy too much to put into writing in one blog post. Maybe one day I will do a series in parts of anyone is really interested, or we will record it in video form. But for today, I am going to share the condensed version along with 1 thing we both are thankful for and value about our dating journey, and 1 thing we both would change if we could. Leave us any questions you have after reading because we will be following this up next week with a Q+A!

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I met Joe in Fall 2004. Around that time he led my twin sister to faith in Jesus, and within a couple months, she led me to Jesus. We all started attending the same church, and in 2005 Joe and I started playing on the worship team together. We always saw each other as friends, and I looked up to him as an older brother.I often said that he had a heart of gold and whoever gets him is going to be a lucky girl; but that was genuinely from a place of friendship.

In January of 2008 we were at the wedding of mutual close friends and while I was sitting alone, he sat down with me and asked me out on a date for the first time. I was shocked, but agreed. We went out for coffee the next night, and it was then that he shared his heart with me. I remember him saying, “you’re smart, beautiful, funny. You love Jesus…what’s not to like?!” He said he wanted to get to know each other better with the goal of seeing if we were compatible for marriage.

I wish I could say it was smooth sailing from there, but it wasn’t. Not even close!

I agreed that I wanted to get to know him better that night, but within a couple weeks called it off because of personal stuff I was dealing with. After a few weeks I realized I made a mistake, and went back to him and asked for another chance, to which he graciously agreed. After a few months, he called it off because of his own personal stuff he was walking through. 6 months went by and it was January 2009. We had bumped into each other a few times and Joe was pretty flirtatious with me, but it hurt me since he had ended it with me. On New Year’s Day I wrote him a lengthy letter detailing what he did to hurt me, and why. But it wasn’t a letter I sought to attack him with. I was genuinely hurting, missed my friend, was concerned about him, and underneath it all missed our friendship and wanted to restore that. I remember quoting Psalm 126:3, “The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.” I truly felt that we had been on a journey that God’s hand was on, and maybe our relationship had to die for a time so that it could grow into something new and better. I couldn’t be sad or bitter about that. A couple of weeks later he wrote back his own lengthy letter addressing each and every situation I mentioned, and then explaining what God had been doing in his life. At the end of his letter he wrote, “I can’t wait to see where God takes our relationship in the future.” I knew reading that, that we were on the verge of starting over.

Finally, over a year after our first date, we became an official couple. We sat in the living room of the house I was living in at the time and Joe asked me to be his girlfriend. Even after that moment we had many ups and downs.

I am a feeler, and when I know what I want I go for it. Joe is a thinker, and he ponders things for a while. He takes a long time to make decisions, and he isn’t as persuaded by emotions. He is very rational and patient. There were times when the differences in our personalities posed themselves as a challenge to Joe and he didn’t know if a marriage would work between us. I told him how I didn’t see that as a weakness, but a strength! There were times in Joe’s indecision that he would pull back, and it made me emotionally freak out. There were some long Starbucks dates hashing things out, or long talks in my friends walk in closet because we lived in community and it was the only place we could talk privately. There were times when Joe needed me to say, “I’m not going to be with someone who doesn’t know how they feel about me, so either you give this 110% or I’m making the decision for you and ending this.” Then there were times when Joe needed to tell me, “I care about you, I love getting to know you, but I can’t tell you right now if or when we are going to get married and you have to be ok with that.”

In September of 2010 we went on a trip to the Poconos with his family, and while we were sitting out on the balcony a hummingbird came and hovered right in front of us. I knew that God sent me that hummingbird. It signifies the miraculous, inner joy, lightness, enjoying the present moment. Something in my heart and mind shifted and I told Joe, “I trust God with our relationship. I trust you with our relationship, and any decision you choose to make. If after all we’ve been through you decide we aren’t right to get married, I accept that and will always value your friendship.” We just enjoyed time together and with Joe’s family for the rest of the weekend. Turns out, he realized he was in love with me that weekend, and when we got home he bought a ring. In November he brought me to the park and exact bench he first broke up with me at back in 2008, and he “redeemed the spot” by asking me to marry him.

Every relationship is different, and everyone’s story is different. BUT God always writes a beautiful story. I can look back and see where things could have gotten derailed, but even in the hard times, I see how God used each and every moment. He was making a path for our feet and got us where we needed to be, and He used our dating story to build the foundation for our marriage.

What do each of us value about our dating journey?

Joe: I am thankful that we dated our way. We read books and sought advice and prayed about what are the things that are important to us and we stuck with those convictions. I didn’t say I love you until I put a ring I your finger and you didn’t try and press me on that.

We didn’t put time lines on things. We had hard conversations. I look back and I think these are all very beautiful parts or our story.

Melissa: I am thankful for the hard conversations, the differences that we talked and worked through, and that at the end of the day we let God transform us through the process. There were so many highs and some lows, but there was ALWAYS good fruit. That was how I knew God was in it; good fruit was being produced in each of us individually and as a couple. I look back now and see that our process truly set us up for marriage, and our foundation is solid because of it. Don’t be afraid to face that hard stuff while you are dating. Take the time then to let God work on you, because marriage doesn’t make everything perfect and wrapped up in a bow. Our marriage is in no way perfect, but we also haven’t had huge issues, and I think that’s because we took the time to work on a lot of stuff and let God prepare us for it.

What would each of us change if we could go back?

Joe: I would go back and tell myself not to be so wishy washy… not be so indecisive and in my own head.

Melissa: I would spend more time with my eyes focused on Jesus because in that is true contentment. I wouldn’t let my emotions get the better of me, and trust Jesus more deeply. I would come to a place of accepting Joe’s pace and right to make a decision however he thought necessary a lot sooner.

So there you have it!! Please leave us any questions in the comments or on our other social media platforms (@melissajacobsco or @joejacobsco on instagram, Melissa Jacobs on Facebook, or email thejacobsco@gmail.com) because we will be doing a Q+A post answering all your questions about our relationship and marriage journey next week!!! Thanks for reading, and have a great day!