Hi friends, it’s Joe today, and I am sharing some encouragement for the husbands and fathers out there about supporting your wife as she stays home with the kids. If you are reading this and you are a stay at home mom, feel free to share this with your husband and get his thoughts as well! If you are single, here are some things you can take note of when picking a potential spouse and teammate.
As some of you may know, I work outside the house. Melissa works inside the house. I work a 9-5. She works a 24/7/365. I get to leave my work behind in a separate building and I don’t worry about it until the next day. Melissa…umm…doesn’t get to do that. This is the way we have chosen to divide our time, make our money, raise our kids, and run our household. The life of a stay at home mom is something to be honored and respected. I’ll never fully understand the day in, day out responsibilities and struggles that my wife faces at home. I have chosen every day to love my wife as I love myself (Eph 5:25). One way I do that is to support her as best as I can while she is at home.
There are 2 ways I support my wife at home: the little ways and the big ways.
The Big Ways
1. Take Care of Your Business (Part 1). The most important thing I can do for my wife is taking care of myself. Is my soul well? Is my body well? Is my head well? Take a step back and answer these questions honestly. If you can’t lead and take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of your wife.
2. Listen to her. My wife is very verbal. She has no problem telling me about every square inch of her day with no shortage of details. I can’t remember much detail outside of songs and movie quotes, so this works out well for us. But in all seriousness, I am a sounding board for her. This first Big thing I can do for her when I get home is listen to her. And not try to give her advice or solve every problem. Not only let her talk, but let her be heard. She has just spent 10 hours speaking to 3 year old, a little adult conversation (if you can consider me an adult), will go a long way.
3. Develop a servant heart. I put this first in the Big Ways because I believe it is a condition of the heart. For whatever reason, this has always come naturally for me and it may for others as well. But for some it may take some development. Whether its natural for you or whether you have some room to grow, choose daily to serve your wife. I’ll give some specifics in the next section.
The Little Ways
1. Take Care of Your Business (Part 2). Ok, now that your mentally stable and spiritually enlightened, lets get a little practical. My stay-at-home-mom of a wife has just spent 10 hours doing the following: making breakfast 2-3 times, picking part of said breakfast off the floor 2-3 times, picking up {insert your child’s favorite thing here} multiple times, making coffee and not drinking said coffee until its gotten cold, lost somewhere in the living room and finally found, negotiating the demands of hostile threenagers…this in actuality has only taken her to 10am. After a full day of this, I do my best to make sure she doesn’t have to pick up after me too. It is my joy to honor her in that way. Life with young kids can at times be chaotic, especially around dinner and bed time, so I like to think of it as “not contributing to the chaos”. So, do yourself and your wife a favor, put your shoes away, put away your coat…look for the ways to honor her after the long day with kids she has had.
2. Fill Immediate Needs. You saw the list of things above my wife does right? That is honestly not even half of it. Well, I imagine that when I get home from work she is probably ready for a little break. I choose to make it my job to give that to her. I get home, change out of my work clothes, and do something to engage our kids while Melissa finishes dinner; this could be playing, wrestling, taking them upstairs to read books, putting on music and dancing, etc. After dinner or bedtime look for ways to help: clear the table, fill the dishwasher, pick up any toys scattered around or just rub her shoulders. Do something tangible to give her some relief. Most of the time just ONE of those things goes a long way.
3. Give Her Time Away. Melissa is a stay at home mom and that is something, as hard as it can be, gives her great joy. It doesn’t define her, though. It’s extremely important for everyone to have a passion outside of the home. I support Melissa by giving her opportunities to pursue these passions and to build relationships whenever possible. Whether it be taking vocal lessons, spending the weekend praying for people at a conference, or just going to the movies with friends, I encourage her to say yes to these things much more often than no. This helps Melissa thrive as an individual, and therefore thrive as a mom and wife as well. What passions or outlets can you make space for your wife to pursue? Sometimes in the thick of having small kids it’s hard to get away, but even if it’s once a month, or once a quarter, it is worth it!
Investing in supporting your wife is investing in the health of your family as a whole. It is my privilege to invest in my wife’s happiness and growth; it’s God’s command to me to love her sacrificially, and I believe it is a part of being a healthy leader of our home.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:25-30 ESV
As men it is easy to go to work and come home and see our provision as sacrificial love, and it is, but it doesn’t need to stop there. God is personal and made your wife and mother of your kids with many facets, and He cares about all of them. Take a few minutes and ask God to show you how He sees her, and highlight one area where you can show your wife love and support as a stay at home mom and individual today.
